Category Archives: Individual Therapy

The Truth About Healing: Accountability is Key

THERE IS STRENGTH IN NUMBERS, Let’s Heal Together.

We’re living in a time where so many people are trying to navigate the world with a mix of fear, confusion, optimism, and, above all, an unspoken desire for healing. It’s as if we’re all walking around carrying invisible weights that no one can see but we all feel. Sometimes, it feels easier to go numb, to repress the pain we’ve experienced, to hide behind a mask of everyday life. But what if the most important thing we could do for ourselves was face the pain head-on, be honest with ourselves, and begin the long, messy process of healing?

I’ve learned that healing isn’t pretty. It isn’t easy. And it certainly doesn’t come with any guarantees. But one thing is for sure—it’s necessary. We are all healing from something—whether it’s childhood trauma, relationship struggles, the scars of past mistakes, or something more recent. But that doesn’t mean we can’t show up for others in their healing journey, or that we should expect others to do the same for us. The truth is, you don’t have to be “perfect” or “healed” to be there for someone else. But you do need to be real with yourself. The journey of healing is personal, unique to each individual, and at times incredibly painful, but it is also life-changing in ways we can’t even begin to imagine.

For a long time, I ran from my trauma. I didn’t want to face it. I didn’t want to feel the pain, the shame, or the fear. But life has a way of pulling you into a place where you can’t escape it. And for me, that moment came when I had an unexpected and major surgery at the age of 24. I had a whole future ahead of me, but suddenly, I was staring at my own vulnerability and mortality. The recovery was long, brutal, and full of obstacles I didn’t expect.

When I think back on that time, I realize that it wasn’t just the surgery that left me broken. It was the years of repressed trauma that I had been carrying, burying under the surface. It wasn’t until I was forced to slow down, to rest, and to face the pain that I realized how much I had been avoiding. I thought I was doing okay, but deep down, I knew I was hiding from things that had happened to me—things I didn’t want to confront.

It wasn’t just physical pain I had to deal with—it was emotional pain, generational trauma that had been passed down in subtle ways over the years, manifesting in unhealthy coping mechanisms. For me, it was opioids. A seemingly innocent prescription after my surgery when I was a child turned into a problem that I didn’t realize for multiple years, that coping isn’t using a vice to continue to numb.  I have a difficult relationship with pain whether it be physically or emotionally. But when I realized I was steering the car load I was in, I could turn left or right, and it was time to make that choice. I could let the numbing and addiction define me, or I could take control of my life again. I found my small support system and I made the decision to fight back, to reclaim my life but that decision was hard and I have taken 10 steps forward and 10 steps back multiple times.

And that’s when it all hit me: healing is important—and it’s not just about dealing with the obvious pain. It’s about confronting the emotional and mental scars that we often don’t even know we have. Trauma doesn’t just affect the body; it seeps into our minds and hearts, and it becomes harder and harder to heal if we don’t face it. In July of 2022, I made the decision to face those scars and finally begin the process of healing. The first year, I journaled, meditated, used my spirituality, and my support to start working through, after about 10 months, I found a therapist, someone who helped me understand that healing doesn’t look the same for everyone and that it’s okay to ask for help when you need it.

The Ugly Truth of Being Honest with Yourself

While healing, I have graduated with my bachelor’s degree, started my master’s degree with additional doctorate classes to get ahead, got married, moved into my own place, and suffered another injury to both my knees recently.  Let me tell you first hand – there are days when the road to healing feels too long, too painful, and too exhausting. And yes, there are times when I’ve wanted to give up. But I’ve also learned that healing is not linear—it’s a messy, unpredictable journey. There will be times when you fall off the wagon, when you question your progress, when you want to turn back and hide and those days you just need to give yourself a break with extra love and take deep breathes – knowing this is temporary. But what I’ve learned is that accountability is the key to moving forward – which can be extremely uncomfortable. You can’t fool yourself, and the more you deny your truth, the more it will eat away at you.

The hardest thing about healing is looking in the mirror and seeing yourself for who you really are. It’s not about the version of you that you want to be or the version others expect. It’s about accepting the truth of your life, your choices, and your history but knowing you were perfectly made and nothing that has happened defines who you are or the changes you make to be a better person.  When you do that, when you can truly look at your scars and say, “This is part of me, but it does not define me,” that’s when the real healing begins.

This is where generational trauma comes in. Whether we like it or not, we all carry the weight of our ancestors’ pain, mistakes, and unresolved issues. These patterns often repeat themselves, quietly influencing how we live, how we love, and how we heal. Breaking those cycles takes immense courage, and it requires that we take a hard look at ourselves and our past.

But here’s the thing: healing doesn’t happen alone. No one can do it alone. We need each other. We need the support of those around us, and we need the guidance of professionals. Therapy was a game-changer for me.  And you know why they are a game-changer because they are here to serve us and our needs – not to tell but to help find yourself and strength again.  Let’s be frank many cultures and stereotypes put a damper on seeking help but without trying, giving it a REAL chance, and being fully ready to change with accountability – we will never heal the generational traumas of yesterday. I honestly thought I could do it all on my own, that I had the strength to push through my own trauma. But it wasn’t until I found a therapist who helped me understand that healing is a journey, not a destination that I began to truly heal. And healing doesn’t have a time limit—it’s a lifelong process. It’s not about getting “over it,” it’s about learning to live with it, to integrate it into who we are and continue moving forward.

I want to open the floor to you—if you’re reading this, I know you’ve probably been through your own struggles, your own battles with trauma. Maybe you’re feeling like it’s too much to handle or like you’re never going to be okay. But I’m here to tell you that you are not alone. Your journey is valid. Your pain is valid. Your healing is important. And while it may be difficult, it is worth it. Let’s create a space where we can be honest with each other, where we can talk openly about our struggles, and where we can support each other on the journey to healing.

You are worthy of healing. You are worthy of peace. You are worthy of a life beyond the trauma. And that’s a truth worth fighting for.

If you’ve struggled, if you’ve been through your own battles with mental health or addiction, or if you’ve started your own healing journey—I want to hear from you. This is a safe space. Let’s share our stories, our struggles, and our triumphs. Healing doesn’t look the same for everyone, but we’re all in this together.  If you feel our place is a right fit for you to start your journey, please don’t be shy and let us help you as I had to learn to help myself with my own journey.  But before or during finding your needs – please share your story because I want to hear from you.

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With love ,

Your Friend Brianna – AKA Bri

Let this song remind you of your strength to know, You are not alone, and we all deserve to heal.

References

American Psychological Association. (2021). Trauma and the brain: How trauma affects the brain and body. Retrieved from www.apa.org

Briere, J., & Scott, C. (2015). Principles of trauma therapy: A guide to symptoms, evaluation, and treatment (2nd ed.). Sage Publications.

Dale, P., & Landon, R. (2018). Healing from trauma: How to build resilience and reclaim your life. HarperCollins.

Miller, W. R., & Rollnick, S. (2013). Motivational interviewing: Helping people change (3rd ed.). The Guilford Press.

Van Der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking.

Family Matters of the Heart!!

As we approach the holiday season, it’s important to reflect on the complexities of family dynamics. I know firsthand how challenging this time can be, especially with the loss of loved ones and the drama that can arise among those still around. Coming from a large family with diverse ethnicities and cultures, I have fond memories of gatherings filled with love and laughter. In the past, these gatherings were a cherished tradition, but as our matriarchs have passed and families have drifted apart, those moments have become rare. I often find myself longing for the warmth and joy we once shared, including the lighthearted gossip that often accompanied our celebrations.

The pandemic further complicated our family interactions, as concerns over health led to decreased participation in gatherings. My family has always been a cornerstone of my identity, encompassing both my biological relatives and my chosen family. Unfortunately, my own challenges have added to the strain. After a car accident involving family members, I faced a difficult insurance lawsuit against my cousin. This situation caused some family members to distance themselves from me, and I encountered criticism for my decisions.

Compounding these issues, I am part of the LGBTQIA community. I came out publicly with my wife during the lawsuit, which was not well received by some family members. As a result, when I was invited to gatherings, it often felt like I was walking on eggshells, with an unspoken tension surrounding our situation.

This holiday season marks the first time my wife and I will attend family gatherings as a married couple since the lawsuit concluded two years ago. Throughout this tumultuous period, I have accomplished a great deal: I graduated with my bachelor’s degree, started my master’s program, recovered from extensive back surgery, and moved into my first home with my wife.

I understand how difficult these situations can be, and I hope we can all find ways to navigate our family relationships and still enjoy the holidays.

Family plays a big role in our lives. It can greatly affect our mental health, which is how we think and feel. When families are supportive and loving, it helps us feel safe and happy. However, when there are problems, it can lead to stress and sadness.

Here are some tips I have learned:

Stressful Family Situations

Not all families are supportive. Some families may argue a lot or have problems that make members feel anxious. For instance, if parents are going through a divorce, children might feel caught in the middle. They may worry about the future or feel guilty about the situation. This kind of stress can lead to issues like depression or anxiety, which affect a person’s overall well-being. Differences in opinions including politics can seperate family and create resentment. With their being even more ways for a family to have tension it can truly impact one another as anger is a secondary emotion, deep down there is sadness for the situation at hand.

Communication and Boundaries 

If families started talking openly about their feelings and allow for all to be seen and heard, we can all handle problems better. When everyone expresses their thoughts, it helps to reduce misunderstandings by validating each other for how they feel but leaving room fod there to be a resolution. For instance, if a adult feels overwhelmed by childhood trauma, discussing it with parents and other family members can lead to solutions and creating boundaries. This communication helps strengthen family bonds and improves mental health.

The Role of Family Activities

Additionally, spending time together as a family can also enhance boundaries. Create a new space to be open to creating new memories, but not replace, can create a new direction forward. Activities like family dinners, game nights, or outings provide a chance to connect. These moments create happy memories and reinforce relationships. When family members enjoy time together, it builds a sense of belonging, which is crucial for emotional health.  Sometimes you have to be the one to engage these activities.

If you or your family is struggling, it’s important to seek help. Therapy or counseling can provide support and teach families how to communicate better. A professional can help identify issues and suggest ways to resolve conflicts. This support can make a significant difference in the mental health of everyone involved.

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Family matters greatly when it comes to mental health. A loving and supportive family can help us feel secure and happy. However, stressful situations and poor communication can lead to mental health problems. By focusing on support, communication, and quality time, families can create a healthier environment. Remember, it’s okay to ask for help if needed. Taking care of our mental health is essential for a happy life.

Have a beautiful weekend lovies.

 

With love,

Monique

Understanding Fear: The Effects & How to Overcome It

What is Fear?

Fear is a natural and powerful emotion. It’s our body’s way of responding to danger or threat. Imagine walking alone at night and hearing footsteps behind you. That uneasy feeling is fear kicking in. It’s like an alarm system designed to protect us.

How Fear Affects the Body

When you’re scared, your body reacts in several ways. This is called the “fight or flight” response. Here’s what happens:

  • Heart Rate Increases: Your heart starts to beat faster. This pumps more blood to your muscles, preparing you to either run away or stand and fight.
  • Breathing Speeds Up: You might start to breathe faster. This gets more oxygen to your muscles and brain.
  • Muscles Tense: Your muscles become tighter, ready for action.
  • Sweating: You may start to sweat more. This cools your body down in case you need to exert yourself.
  • Dry Mouth and Dilated Pupils: Your mouth may go dry, and your pupils (the black part of your eyes) might get larger to take in more light.

How Fear Affects Mental Health

Fear doesn’t just affect your body; it also impacts your mind. If you feel scared all the time, it can lead to:

  • Anxiety: Constant fear can make you feel worried or nervous, even when there’s no immediate danger.
  • Stress: Fear causes stress, and long-term stress can lead to health problems like headaches, high blood pressure, and trouble sleeping.
  • Avoidance: You might start avoiding situations that make you feel scared, which can limit your activities and reduce your quality of life.
  • Depression: In some cases, ongoing fear can contribute to feelings of sadness or hopelessness.

Types of Fear

There are different kinds of fear:

  • Rational Fear: This is a fear of something that is actually dangerous, like a wild animal.
  • Irrational Fear (Phobia): This is an intense fear of something that isn’t really dangerous, like spiders or heights.
  • Anxiety: This is a general feeling of fear or worry about everyday situations.

Ways to Cope with Fear

Thankfully, there are ways to manage and reduce fear. Here are some strategies:

  1. Understand Your Fear: Try to figure out what exactly you’re afraid of. Sometimes just knowing what’s causing your fear can help you feel more in control.
  2. Deep Breathing: When you feel scared, take slow, deep breaths. This can help calm your body and mind.
  3. Positive Thinking: Replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Instead of thinking, “I can’t do this,” tell yourself, “I can handle this.”
  4. Gradual Exposure: If you’re afraid of something, try facing it a little at a time. For example, if you’re scared of dogs, start by looking at pictures of dogs, then gradually work up to being near a dog.
  5. Exercise: Physical activity can help reduce stress and improve your mood.
  6. Talk About It: Share your fears with someone you trust. Sometimes just talking about what scares you can help make it feel less frightening.
  7. Relaxation Techniques: Practices like yoga, meditation, or listening to calming music can help reduce fear and anxiety.

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Facing Your Fears

Facing your fears can be challenging, but it’s a crucial step in overcoming them. Here’s how you can start:

  1. Make a Plan: Write down your fear and make a step-by-step plan to face it. Start with something small and gradually take bigger steps.
  2. Set Goals: Set specific goals and reward yourself when you achieve them.
  3. Stay Positive: Keep a positive attitude. Remember, it’s okay to feel scared. The important thing is to keep trying.
  4. Practice Patience: Overcoming fear takes time. Be patient with yourself and celebrate your progress, no matter how small.
  5. Seek Support: Don’t be afraid to ask for help from friends, family, or a professional. You don’t have to face your fears alone.

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Conclusion

Fear is a natural emotion that everyone experiences. While it can have significant effects on your body and mental health, there are many ways to manage and overcome it.

 

Sincerely,

Monique

Have an amazing weekend.

 

 

References:

Apex Western Wayne. (2016, April 22). Our staff | Apex Western Wayne. Apex Western Wayne | Putting Things in Motion. https://www.apexwesternwayne.com/our-staff/

ChatGPT. (n.d.). https://chatgpt.com/c/15b4a2d7-318a-4f0c-a828-54a9c2862808

Menting, B. a. M. (2023, May 11). The chill of fear. Harvard Medicine Magazine. https://magazine.hms.harvard.edu/articles/chill-fear